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I only BEG once but never to YOU

Unbelievable! That was the first word came out from my mouth after hearing it. IT is a product of a desire, the “I wish it was like” drama of an egocentric- outrageous -unbelievable creature. I never thought I’ll be addressing this issue again. I am getting tired of these people. I am getting tired the face, the stories and the “he said-they said-this is what I heard” strings of rumors that worst than what you will read on a twitter page.


Before I say my piece, let me just make it clear than this has nothing to do with my state of emotion or even something to do with any of my single cellular thingy in my body. Because there are friends who read my blog that is important to me and I don’t want them to be anywhere near confusing state.

 I made a huge mistake by sleeping to a friend that was in a committed relationship for about 13 years at that point. Yes I did it and it wasn’t a secret anymore. I made lies to protect an image that turned to be the biggest zit in my ass. I regret that I made a lot of my friends thwarted in me and from the bottom of my heart, I am so sorry again. Though I made some reconciliation in the past for this same mistake and I appreciate for the acceptance.

 Back to the zit, it ended. I WAS THE ONE WHO END IT – the affair. A number of people knew the whole story. I ended it because I had all the reasons in the world and I was madly in love with someone at that time and gosh, the zit got nothing on this someone. So, how and where the thought of me, begging to take me back, story came from? Be ashamed please and I don’t know where you get your gut and nerve to say things like this to my friends. You know the whole story and they know the whole story plus some of them seen it in 3D high definition. I bet your partner doesn’t know anything about that night.

 Ever since, I never said things about the affair, moreover the details because it’s not the kind of story you tell to other people. It was a mistake and shameful. Stop lingering. Normal people move on. So please learn to be normal for once. Please DO NOT SPEAK OF ME ANYMORE. You are no longer my friend and even being your friend I consider it a mistake. From what I heard from your acquaintances, I made the right choice. Please, you are not a friend and never will, kindly stop doing immature-nonsense things like this.

 Get these readers, I am miles away from this person and it has been like 5 months already that I am where I am and the affair was like McHammer topping the local charts…LOL. It is somehow flattering to still have that kind of impact to someone in the absence of my actual existence in the same space, but this is extraneous. I don’t get excited things like this.


So the next time I heard something again related to the affair, it means to say that I am a person who is hard to get over with…hahahahaha

Not that Chicken?!

I got sick. I had chicken pox. I was taking Aciclovir 800mg per 4 hours, that’s 5 tabs a day for 7 days. I had fever as well. Taking that much anti viral wasn’t fun at all. I had series of hallucinations. There was a point on my 5th evening that I wanted to run as fast as I can through the mirror. I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about that. I was thinking so fast and I felt like I was blinking that fast also and every song I heard was so fast.


Glad I got out of it. Chicken pox is depressing. People can be very mean. I was helpless and honestly, people were my least concern at that time.


I am back 100% now. With a little bit scars all over my face and body but I think I am good way to go. I am back to work now and had some series of deadlines but I managed it with fashion. Now we are currently prepping ourselves for PINES – Philippine International Eco Show at SMX Mall of Asia on August 26-28, 2010. I’ll be there on Friday and Saturday.


From here and out, I will be work, work and work. I don’t care about how busy I am as long as I eat right, I can run every morning, maintain my 150lbs or loosing 5lbs doesn’t hurt that much; keep my BP 120/90 level and staying white as possible. LOL


I am looking forward on my birthday and on my Halloween get-away with my friends back home. I am excited to know that less is more in boracay as long as I got my favorite homies from home. And definitely coming home these holidays. Might be my last as an asian, I might be a canuck when I come home again… Keeping my fingers crossed though… woooohooooo!


Until then guys. See me on SMX or just check out the Eco show. You’ll be amazed how far we are now in Environmental Engineering.




Room Bravo

I am in bed here in our room alone. My roomie just went out to work and the other one isn't home yet. I am lucky I found this apartment. Everything I hoped for for a place I call home here. I am not going to stay here for a long time but until then, its great to be here. I am close to everything. In the eye of Metro Manila...

Work. Wow! I am one hella busy engineer. After our company featured in ANC and all the media attentions, our hotline is off the hook. Our CEO formed a team this afternoon. A pool of young engineers including myself. Just the four of us from water business unit of our company. We are going to make a model project out of our research and development. We are assigned in Ortigas Center. We will make a wastewater treatment facility out of existing facility and make it more effecient. Plus my baby project that I have been designing since I started my work will be included in this project. And I am absolutely blown by the trust given to me by our bosses. Plus its a great place to be workibg with the most innovative and brilliant young scientists in the country.

With all the developments I got lately, I might just spend a week in Toronto and fly back here to work until I feel going back to Toronto again... I love my work and I am learning a lot.

Wish me luck readers..

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After 4 books, one kilo of fried boneless bangus, burritos, 5 orders of tacos and tons of coke zero, I am doing fine in Metro Manila. Sometimes I wonder how I did it. I got lost only twice in Binondo and in Shaw blvd. but all in all, I am doing great. I know I am an urban guy. Don’t get me wrong though, I love the rural. It’s just that… okay, I feel like I somehow belong to concrete jungle, not in the actual jungle.


I am doing well at work. I don’t know if I am actually doing my potential but I am enjoying it. Regular meetings, deadlines and crack-under-pressure situations are what make my job interesting. I didn’t know I have these since I started my being Project supervisor in the water business unit of our company.


I guess I can say all is well. I am at peace now. I will only think of myself and only myself here. I am far from people that I do not wish to associate with and I am far from stories, brain washing and rumors. Now I am wondering how I stood all of the shits. Maybe because I don’t have a choice at that time or maybe I am a kind of person who is resilient to bad people.


I know I will leave this place soon. But for what its worth, this is one of the nicest stop I ever made in my entire life. I am having good memories, met a lot of nice people and urban experience.


It is more than the smell, smog and traffic. All but stereotypes, Manila has been my home. I would not say I blended in already because my accent is a give away that I am from the south. It is too obvious. But with the help of tools here and there, and an old friends from here, I'm kinda the Manila I imagine it would be.

People wondered why all of the sudden I packed my bags and left home after national election. What's got into me they asked, even my now-boss asked the same thing during my final interview. Well its not really sudden. I have been thinking about it since Cebu. I wanted to explore my being. But I couldn't achieve that at home when all I do 24/7 was to slip in to the mold my parents made ages ago. It is not what I programmed to function in this world.

I am here now because I wanted to, first, find my extent as a human being. Raised by the comforts of most people think, I wanted to find what we call in concrete design, the cracking moment. Secondly, I wanted to emerse my self with development of my profession for the past five years that I had been in haitus. Thirdly, I wanted to be on my own, my life, my problems and my own strategies to combat life that I chose to walk on. And lastly, for personal reason that I can't talk about but it isn't that big deal.

I met different people, like Diane, an aspiring engineer, like myself, who indulge herself-having a delusional license to freely open her mouth, offensive or not. Although this kind of people existed in my past life - thank you very much for a sloppy boute I got- it amazes me still. But I tell you, most of the people I met are unbelievably nice, sweet, hospitable and funny- to say the least. I could say I am a lucky provincial bastard.

Although Manila is no stranger to my arse, i came back and forth over the years, but I have never been so home- feel-like kinda thing until now. Maybe because I can no longer be lost in this concrete jungle or I am now slowly living like a blue collar worker that most of the people here. Or it is because I embraced my path with blindfold on and without inhibitions.

This has been, for the record, my craziest-life-altering adventure so far. It has never been easy though but I am prepared. Let see how far someone like me go. So far, it is great.

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2 Years and In Between

It was mid summer of 2008. I haven't been to this place since 2004. It was about 11:00pm when I arrived. I saw people walked pass me as fast as they could. I suddenly stopped having thoughts whether to take the stairs or the escalator. I took the later. I could barely breathe. There were million of thoughts jumping inside my head. I was feeling uncomfortable. I was tired from work when I jumped to the plane almost 2 hours ago. Suddenly I saw the outside. People were lining up towards the exit. I was browsing outside hoping I could see familiar face waiting. So I patiently waited for my baggage. I thought it was because of my being claustrophobic but I was here now, 20 feet ceiling clearance and huge glass windows. It wasn't it. I was nervous. I still can't breathe.

I got out and I got a call. M was almost there. M asked me some details and I told M about every inquiries M got that night. I saw the car. I smiled knowing they could see me from the inside. It wasn't my dashing smile, it was more on nervous smile. I was practicing what I have to say, or how to conceal my hyperventilating. When we saw each other, it was spontaneous. I was comfortable immediately and there wasn't really awkward moments.

Almost exactly 2 years later, I am here at home, reading an email from M half the world away. Things happened in between before and now. All I could think of were the memories we had. It was absolutely wonderful memories and I always have that feeling of being part of their family. M and I had a lot of thing we went through together. In my part, M is always a family and everyone there is my family. I am lucky to have M now as a friend. But everything happens for a reason, I am wiser now and smarter. I think I am more effective now and more sensible. There are so much things I would tell M about for the past 2 years. I miss the talks and everything. I hope to see you on May at The Fort with my latte decaf 2 splenda and not extra hot and no foam...LOL

I hope you are reading this. It gives me a smile everytime. Now I am starting my life one way or another, I hope I could still count on you and I really need your timeless advices and right in my gut talks.... LOL.... see you soon... hope so.

I Stand Up for CANCER

I have been staring at this blank page for quite sometime figuring out what to say and I wanted it to be spontaneous as it can be. I try to get my self to anger but it doesn't really working tonight. Maybe because after the "vindication" episode I had couple of nights ago. Everything seems so funny right now.... and pathetic..... and to the point of barfing inside my mouth. I know that this will be yet again be taken out of context but if you really want to know what it is, then you could start guessing. Just try not to be conclusive because it is starting to be habitual don't you think? I mean it is way way way long and I hope you get snapped.

Anyway, like I said I want this as spontaneous as I can, I would like to thank my long time friends and my ex for the time they spent with me last weekends. We hanged out at "Some place else." I spent almost the whole day with my ex but he went on a date during dinner time. I met up with J and Boom at usual hang out place we had for 5 years now. We talked, laughed and I missed them both. I have been MIA for the past almost 2 years but we caught up and had good laughs. Then I was supposed to have a date that night but I could not bring myself back to that circuit again, not that I do know when, but I just can't. I just can't go through with it again. It's too painful when you had your heart crashed like that for the first time.

I end up having 2:00 AM snack alone at McDonalds. I was just feeling the times that my flatmates used to crowd this fast food joint with our laughter(s), painful bullying and meetings. And suddenly I realized, my heart is not ready to be put out there in the wild again. And safe casual sex wouldn't help either. Just thinking of it makes me throw up... What am I, college? I am tired of this sh*ts....LMAO. 

Well, to end this entry, I would like to thank my friends, I know I don't have that much, but I kept them throughout the years WITHOUT THEM HAVING ISSUES ABOUT ME. We may lost the communications, the times and the chances, but when we do, it is always a blast. So to my few real friends across the globe, I thank you and life would have been rotten veggies without you.. So to my obsessed fan, full-time narrator of make believe for my life and my enemies, thank you for making me realize the things that I won't dare be associated with... and I REGRET for even considering you friends. 


Readers might think it is you in this blog, just remember, it is not always about you. You are not important at all. But if you really 100% sure that this is you, then looks like I got you. Not because I am normally quiet lately it doesn't mean I am stupid and naive. Grow up!!!... Ciao.


What a day for me. The tournament went well and I won second place. But I am happy and fulfilled. Right after the tournament, we had a mini-socials and talk about stuffs that made us laugh our ass out. Things went very interesting at the end of the gatherings we had. Ohh my goodness!!!! I am vindicated. I always knew that my instinct is awesome. I made good great choices. I cant believe it and I wish I could tell you everything here but I can't. I am happy and I wish people start noticing it. But all I can do is hope. It is not my cup to tell what to do and this and that.

I am beyond fine now and I am so grateful for those people who are there for me although they haven't been so visible lately in my life but always on time when I need "wisdoms". My jeez on my pants! I am vindicated tonight. I knew there was something wrong. I knew it. Hehehehehe.

Moving Away

There are certain things in life are just hard to let go especially someone who had been a part of you and gave you tremendous happiness for "enough" time. I am scared because I have finally gotten over it and I just don't know if I could still feel the pain again when I think about it again. To be honest, the pain was the only thin string that holding me to the feelings I had with the person. Pain it was but it gave me some "home" feeling about it because I am so scared that the next person I am going to love I might not actually will give the same love or more. It will be surely unfair and I don't want to put anyone in that kind of position. It is not really good.

There is one more thing bugging me lately and I don't have any time left. I am moving out and not just the home but the entire island anytime soon. Actually if I can now I would and there are people waiting for me. But I don't have the perfect timing yet. Well I guess all questions will be answered on saturday. I feel like I am getting better. Scary but I am up for the challenge.


Summer Fling

I am about to do some major recklessness. For the first time in my life I will be spontaneous on this one. I'll take this ride and not ever think of where the destination is but i will just enjoy it. Not that I wouldn't be serious on this  and I am not saying I would also, I'll just let everything and see where it leads me.

Summer fling, I done it once but it was brief. Like a week.... Somewhere in the north. I never thought I would be so spontaneous again. Maybe now I am wiser and more reckless so to speak, it would be a lot more fun. This is a good experience. I wouldn't be here any longer, why not take the most out of it.

I'll get tan this time....




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