Sometimes I panic. Sometimes I forget to breathe. Sometimes my heart beats so fast and sometimes it rests, almost as if it will stop anytime. Sometimes I think too much and sometimes I just stare at you. Sometimes I go crazy and sometimes I feel like I am too boring to hang out with. But being with you, I get my priorities straight. You make me feel like I can fly and do anything much more than I think I can or already did. You make me relax and stop worrying. Sometimes I get so stupid and unreasonable. But you always prove me wrong at the end of the day. You are unpredictable and that makes everything exciting. You always surprise me with those little things.

I am sure we will make it. I just can’t wait for tomorrow.

I got my house hooked on wifi and this nice little thing called iphone making my blog work easy....

Anyway, all i want to say is that i am pretty pissed. People just dont know when to stop. I used to have a huge respect for..... But now i cant stand and i am just so efffing glad i know what i am gping to do.....

Just another used to be....

Xoxo
Bobongatenista

Ps...
I am happier than ever before... Thry can try to ruin but errrr.... Thats all they could fo, try....

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

I was staring at blank page before I went to Karen’s Café this morning. I wanted inspiration. I felt like I have to smash my brain out to a thick concrete wall if you know what I am saying. I just wanted my brain to bleed and let my left cortex shut the fuck up and be awake. So I went there and got an extra-hot-no-foam-non-fat Shakespearean latte. But E.E. Cummings whole wheat choco cookies gave me the sugar rush and the inspiration to write.

"E.E. Cummings once wrote; 'To be nobody-but-yourself - in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.'"

I remember the time when our family almost lost everything. Our business wasn’t doing well. My parents sold our car just to get through the days. I, on the other hand, was still in college on my last year as an engineering student. I lived six blocks away from the university, for 3 months, I walked everyday. Sometimes when I was so tired from school, I took jeepney rides and sat at the driver ‘s sit at the back so that I have to pass all the fares, in that way the driver can’t tell if I already paid him or not. For the first time in my life, I got to wake up each morning terrified and clueless if I could make it to the next day.

Those times will forever be a part of my life.

I have things in the past that I am not proud of. There were people who tried to tear me. There are times I kneeled and on the edge of giving up. There are times that I am tired of fighting and giving up is the best solution that I can come up with. There were people that I hurt. And I will be forever praying for them.

What I am trying to say here is that my life has been ass kicking great. Amidst everything that happened, I remained calm. I kept it through myself. I settled them on my own. I get undeniably stronger. So whatever life brings, I am ready, I keep fighting. And I won’t stop.

"There are two tragedies in life: one is to lose your heart's desire, the other is to gain it."  -- George Bernard Shaw

No action. Plain and wet. That’s how my Sunday was. I just got my laptop back from the dead- thank God it didn’t crashed for good. I was installing some of my orginal applications so I stayed online for like whole day. While doing so, I went browsing and got myself some readings. I came across to George’s quote and it is bugging me the whole day. I am trying to answer  and to understand what does it mean. It seems so contradicting- errr!!! Not seems, but really contradicting- but makes sense.

I completely agree with him. I set my life goals and normally, life goals must be everyhing you ever wanted and everything you hoped for and it will give you happinness. In the process, it is given that you are faced with certain situations and circumstances that may alter or hasten towards that goal, some may tear you apart, some may give you additional drive or some may be undeniably painful that makes you surrender. But its our choices that make everything where we at right now and some choices left us with no choice.

That what makes life is all about. There is no blueprint or pattern for a happy life, there is no crash course for it either and clearly self-help books come inevitably unhelpful-sometimes. But still there is no prototype. If I may ask you, would you live your life playing on the safe side, or will you embrace the fact that life is dynamic, unstable and unpredictable? Are you ready to get that goals knowing that in the process you may or may not lose yourself, hurt someone, some lost their souls and some end up in cobble stones where they could only do nothing but regret? Or just play it one day at a time.

I think that’s how I understand George. I think it’s a fact of life that you cannot have the best of both worlds. It is always bittersweet but its how you make out of it that matters, how you handle it and how you will sustain and move on to the next.

Yeah, losing your heart’s desire is tragic. But gaining your heart’s desire... It’s all you can hope for. This year, I wished for love. To immerse myself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. My wish was granted. And if having that is tragic… then give me tragedy. Because, I wouldn’t give it back for the world.

Do you ever wonder if we make the moments in our lives or if the moments in our lives make us?

If you could go back and change one thing about your life, would you? And if you did, would that change make your life better? Or would that change ultimately break your heart? Or break the heart of another? Or would you choose an entirely different path? Or would you change just one thing, just one moment? One moment that you've always wanted back.

I see life as a motion picture. You don’t get a chance to pause and rethink, worst; you can’t undo things or events, not even one second that just passed. Time is running, so are situations, events and circumstances.

Stephen King once wrote: 'Time takes it all, whether you want it to or not. Time takes it all, time bears it away.. and in the end.. there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness, and sometime we lose them there again.

There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days.

I may have chosen the same path before and failed me, but it doesn’t mean I have to be scared and allow myself to see it pass by me, when, at this very moment, it is everything I ever wanted and everything I hoped for and I am truly happy. Would you allow something like this pass your life even if it failed you before? I know I can’t. I am a risk taker, free, rebel and bold.

"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swaps of the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists.. it is real.. it is possible.. it's yours.".....Ayn Rand, ATLAST SHRUGGED

Sometimes I wonder if anything is absolute anymore. Is there still right and wrong? Good and bad? Truth and lies? Or is everything negotiable, left to interpretation, gray? Sometimes were forced to bend the truth? to transform it because we are faced with things that are not of our own making. And sometimes, things simply catch up with us.

My name is Ronan; I live in KidapawanCity. Kidapawan is just a place somewhere in the world. Maybe it's a lot like your world. Maybe it's nothing like it. But, if you look closely you might see someone like you. Someone trying to find their way; someone trying to find their place; someone trying to find their self. Sometimes it’s easy to feel like you’re the only one in the world who's struggling, who’s frustrated, or unsatisfied at barely getting by. But, that feeling is a lie and if you just hold on; just find the courage to face it all for another day, someone or something will find the way and make it all okay. Because we all need a little help sometimes, someone to help us hear the music in the world. To remind us that it won’t always be this way. That someone is out there, and that someone will find you.

It has been awhile since I paused and tried to look around my room and meander. I had the pleasure doing that this morning. As soon as I got up, I walked towards my CD rack. I found Inuman Session album. I used to play it in my car. Listening to the whole album takes me back to Manila days - my times with my cousins, my fabulous room in QC, water hall, great neighborhood, unbelievably huge humps, jeep, PhilCOA and tuknene.

Time flies so fast. I didn’t realize that I have been here for awhile now. A lot of things happened in my life since then. Sometimes I wonder how in the hell did I bounced back from all the shits happened. There was a point when I thought my life changed forever. It makes me wonder sometimes how. Sometimes it feels like I don’t know myself anymore. I am growing, becoming someone stronger, meaner and an impenitent.

I am packing my shits for awhile. Fly across the country to let myself loose for a bit. Hoping life can be happier when I come back. Though I will be working still but I can manage to squeeze a little krispy kreme pigging out session. LOL. See you in a bit guys…